Out of this World Cover For Humans & Ants
Incredibly there is such a thing as Alien Abduction Insurance. Some of the most well known insurers and some smaller brokers have all touted the policy over the years, from Lloyds of London to a variety of ‘it can only happen in America’ institutions.
With so many galaxies, universes and planets out there it is not inconceivable to imagine that there are aliens roaming around the solar system. Indeed claims of sightings and abductions over the years may well lead you to believe that we are not alone.
As ants we have been around for millions of years, living alongside our human counterparts. We too have had stories passed down over the ages, just like you. In fact Adam Ant’s aunt’s cousin 325 times removed was herself abducted in 1953.
Should you require insurance against alien abductions there are a variety of UK based and International insurers who will gladly accept your premiums and devise a policy should you expect to experience something out of this world.
What Does Alien Abduction Insurance Cover?
Policies and cover differ between countries and agencies, but invariably the cover is aimed at the initial abduction, any fall out from the event, illness, pregnancy, stress and death, as well as a range of quirky conditions:
- Organ insurance and bodily mutilation
- Pregnancy and multiple births
- Inter stellar travel insurance
- Repatriation between universes
- Planetary Health Care
- Brain and body separation – partial death limitations
- Alien chip removal
- Unknown disease and DNA defects
- Space sickness
This list is a small sample of the coverage both humans and ants can receive under any policy which is taken out. While the initial quote will be for abduction, further policies can be built in, such as repatriation and travel insurance for the next available spaceship flight.
The problem however will be contacting Earth and the insurer in such an instance as not all planets have inter planetary telephone enquiries or have full databases. And even if contact was possible, arranging flights with alien flight carriers can be a cumbersome task.
Ensure you compare the alien abduction insurance quotes against each other, while the highest payout may be more attractive. It is pretty useless unless the insurer can offer light speed travel and be able to cover stellar wide assistance in the event of a claim.
That said, most policies are activated upon your return to Earth, proving travel insurance and repatriation as unnecessary. Though you may still need extended health and pregnancy insurance to cover any eventualities when you land.
How To Source An Alien Abduction Policy
Lloyds of London and a variety of insurers will all happily quote you on a policy against abduction. Usually a low monthly premium is matched by a high payout. The test of which is in the proving.
While it may seem like a fun product, Adam Ant’s aunt’s cousin 325 times removed is a sure sign that it is serious for some people. Her cousin now has children which can fly and in one litter she had 456 children in one go. Boy did she wish she had multiple birth insurance that week!
Like many policies, they are usually only good for when you have died or something seriously bad has happened. While an alien abduction can be thought of as seriously intrusive, life threatening and stressful, it is possible to combine your policy with several others. Should you be impregnated by aliens, it may be worthwhile seeking out multiple birth insurance also. You just don’t know how many little embryos are swimming around down there or how many heads they will have. This policy can be taken out by both men and women.
You should also consider travel insurance. What if the aliens leave you on the wrong planet or leave you stuck on their home world? Repatriation of your own accord will be difficult if they don’t have a Barclays cash machine at the space port.
Claiming On Your Policy
It is relatively simple to make a claim against your alien abduction, proving it and getting the insurer to believe you however is another matter. Their tests are far more stringent than is normally the case.
You may be required to undergo or prove the following:
- Get a DNA sample of the alien race
- Provide a video or picture of the alien
- Receive a signature from the Captain of the alien mother ship to show you were detained
- Travel documents to show you left Earth orbit
- Medical exams to detail mutilations
- Undertake a lie detector test
- Third party witness statements, human, ant or alien
After satisfying the insurer, you will receive either monthly payouts on a deferred scale or a lump sum depending on the policy that you took out. There have been several such successful claims in the past century.
Lastly but not least, you can take out third party mutilation and theft alien insurance if you are a farmer. Should your cows or cattle be beamed up or mutilated, one simple phone call and claim form later with supplied video footage and you will have a new cow delivered.